All You Need Is Cheese
by ArqanesQueen
Summary: CH2 UP! A stolen artifact from Stonehenge carries more than just centuries of history. The knights end up in someone's living room in the future by eating...cheese? Chaos ensues...
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer:** I sadly own nothing of King Arthur...if I did, there would be a lot of affairs ^^

**Claimer:** Only the plot...and any characters not from KA

**Author's Note:** Okay everyone, I know I already posted this chapter but this is **EDITED** and a little different. I decided it makes a lot more sense to do this story in** FIRST PERSON **but I've never written one before so don't hate. I hope this turns out better. I was reading it and what I have planned for the future and I just realized I liked it a lot better in first person than third. I think it makes it more likely. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, alerted and favourited. It means a lot. I will answer all your questions in the next chapter. If you haven't yet, please review and let me know what you think, especially with the slight change. No flames please =) Thanks again to everyone and withour futher aideu, here's the revised Prologue...

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**~Prologue~**

It was dark. So dark in fact that I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face. _That's weird,_ I thought. I looked up and was surprised to see twinkling stars above me. _Where is my roof?_

I stood but nearly fell down again as I took in my surroundings. I was in a dark forest in the middle of the night and I didn't even know how I got there. Suddenly, voices in the distance caught my attention and something that sounded like horses was drawing nearer. I thought of hiding, but realized I was in a forest in the middle of the night. Who was going to see me?

I couldn't see anyone but I heard someone say, in a calm even voice, "Should we keep looking?"

Someone answered the first in a deeper voice. "No, we should head back to the Wall." The voice had a slight accent that I couldn't make out.

A quiet murmur seemed to break out and then I heard a third voice say excitedly, "One more month for our freedom...just a month..."

_Lena? Lena!_ Someone was calling my name but I couldn't figure out how these people knew who I was.

_Lena, come on!_ The voice was shouting now, I could tell, but they sounded very far off, as though they were on the other side of a wall. The sky was getting light really fast and the forest was beginning to get blurry.

_LENA! We're going to be LATE!_

I woke with a start as I heard a loud bang on the other side of my bedroom door.

I sighed and rubbed my temples. "I'm coming, give me five minutes!" I got up quickly, changed my clothes, reapplied my makeup and then ran a brush through my straightened auburn hair. I opened my bedroom door only to see Lexi, my best friend in the whole world, looking extremely irritated. Lexi's waist-long blond hair lay straight down her back and her light crystal blue eyes were clearly showing her frustration. I shot her a look that I hoped said I was sorry enough and she seemed to be okay for the moment as we headed back downstairs.

I looked at the clock in the kitchen as I grabbed my car keys off a side table. It was nearly nine at night and Lexi and I were supposed to be heading to the theatres. How I had managed to fall asleep still bewildered me but I guessed I must've been extremely tired.

"What took you so long," Lexi questioned as we our made the way to the garage.

"I fell asleep," I admitted in a mumble, unlocking the doors of my blue and white Shelby GT500. Lexi stopped opening her door and looked at me with a look of incredulity.

"Really, you fell asleep? On the opening night of one of the most amazing movies? On the opening night of _King Arthur_?"

I shook her head as Lexi climbed in and I started the ignition. Lexi and I were thoroughly excited as we headed for the theatres. Of course, we had expected the rush of people waiting for tickets but since we had already pre-ordered, we grabbed our popcorn and drinks and headed to out theatre. The movie was so intriguing that Lexi and I gripped the edge of our seats throughout the entire film and then sobbed uncontrollably at the end.

By the time it was over and we got back home, it was nearly one in the morning. We were so deeply immersed in the movie and discussing different parts that we didn't even notice someone waiting on the front porch for us.

I looked at the man sitting on the bench on the porch and smiled brightly. The glow of the lights illuminated the man and he rose to give me a hug.

"Jay! What are you doing here?" I said excitedly. Jay proceeded to give Lexi a hug and answered me.

"I tried calling you a few times, but I got no answer. I thought I'd come by and see what's up."

I laughed. Jay was quite tall, at five-foot-ten with cropped auburn hair and stunning blue eyes. For cousins, Jay and I looked more like brother and sister.

"Well we went to go watch King Arthur," I responded after a moment and opened the door to the house.

"How did you like it?"

"It was absolutely _amazing_!" Lexi said, exaggerating the 'amazing' part.

"Yeah it was," I agreed as Lexi and Jay came in behind me. "Except for the parts where Dagonet, Lancelot and Tristan die." I closed the door and locked it.

"Yeah well, all good movies have to have someone important die," Lexi pointed out.

"Right, and that's why you cried during the whole final battle," I reminded her. Jay laughed at us.

"You two are hopeless."

"Yeah and why were you sitting outside on the porch?" I asked, prodding him in the chest and laughed at his expression. "Or did you forget your keys in the house again."

Jay smiled and put a hand to his heart. "You got me."

"Whatever," I said, going into the kitchen to fix us something to eat. I opened the freezer and scanned through everything. "Vanilla, Chocolate or Butterscotch," I shouted from the kitchen and Lexi and Jay knew I was talking about ice cream. That was how we always asked each other what we wanted.

"Chocolate," Lexi shouted and I didn't need Jay to tell me he wanted a scoop of everything.

"You know what's weird, Lex," I said suddenly remembering something. I was walking back to the living room. "We're going to that dig in London next week."

"You guys are going to England?" Jay said excited.

I sat down beside Lexi on the sofa while Jay snatched one of the armchairs in front of the T.V. "Yeah, Michael said that he had found a new site in London somewhere. We haven't looked at a map or anything and we don't have full details, but we'll know everything by Monday. You should come."

"Maybe," Jay said as he dug into his ice cream. Lexi and I were part-time archaeologists and often worked under a long-time friend of Jay's father, Michael Rusting. But while we were interested in history and archaeology, we also pursued other careers. I was a part-time historian and worked with other historians trying to piece together ancient times and myths. Lexi on the other hand was an architect and designer. Jay, a history lover (though he decided to pursue a career in graphic design), often got time off to join Lexi and I on our archaeology expeditions, especially if they were really big ones. The biggest site we had been to, to date, was in Egypt in the Valley of the Kings. It had been a truly historical moments for all of us.

"So you don't have any idea at all where you're going?" Jay asked suddenly and I looked up from the late night news.

"No, Rusting hasn't told us except that it's in England. I have a hunch though, about what it might be," I answered poking my vanilla ice cream.

Lexi paused with her spoon halfway to her mouth and Jay raised an eyebrow. "Well, come on, spit it out."

"Okay, this might sound kind of stupid, but I think we're going to Stonehenge."

"Stonehenge?" Lexi repeated. "But why? There's nothing there; nothing left to dig. It's all been uncovered and now historians just study the stones and try to find answers." Lexi gave me a wry smile.

"That's true. Well, maybe we're studying ruins...," but I trailed off knowing somehow that there was more to this expedition than either me or Lexi knew.

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After a lot of persuading, Jay had finally agreed to come with us on our expedition which, as I had expected, turned out to be the study of the ruins. Stonehenge was one of those fascinating things that even Jay enjoyed talking about. Our expedition had lasted ten days whereupon Jay and Lexi returned home. I had stayed for another few days before returning home as well. The trip had been exciting and I had so much to think about for the legend of Stonehenge.

It was an early Tuesday afternoon when I was returning home from a session with some historians. I had been having a severe headache and told the others I was heading back home. I figured I just needed a few Advil and a little nap- after all I had only pulled together a few hours of sleep the past few nights because I was working on a new theory for Stonehenge's existence and purpose.

I killed the engine of my Shelby in the driveway and fumbled with the key in the door. When I finally managed to get it open, I pulled myself through and closed the door with a loud bang. Sighing, I locked it and closed my eyes for a moment. I felt the room spin.

"Okay, dizzy is not a good sign," I told myself out loud. I needed food and proper rest and the theory would just have to wait. I pulled myself together and headed through the living room to turn on the T.V. before going into the kitchen. I entered the room and stopped dead in my tracks at the sight before me.

There were seven fully grown men standing there all wearing the strangest attire I had ever seen.

"What..." I began but never finished because the man who looked like the leader stepped forward. I couldn't believe my eyes.

"Who...?" I tried to say but the man must have seen my tension because he answered my unasked question.

"My name is Arthur Castus, and these are my knights," he said in a calm even tone.

I blinked several times, still gaping at them. I really needed to get more sleep.

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**A/N**: So what did you think? Do you like the first person view better? I think it'll make the humor more apparent in latter chapters. Well, tootle-loo everyone and please R&R =D


	2. When the Questions Don't Stop

**Disclaimer: **King Arthur is not mine

**Claimer: **Anything you don't recognize as KA

**Author's Note: **Hi everyone! Okay, so to let everyone know, this title of this story has changed (I know, but I promise this is the last change). It is now called **ALL YOU NEED IS CHEESE**. I came up with the idea after writing the prologue and I thought this would be the perfect title for the rest of the plot. Anyways, thank you to everyone who has reviewed, alerted, favourited etc... it means a lot, so thank you for keeping me motivated to write!

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**_No.8_** – _Thank you for being my first reviewer! =) YAY! I was indeed tired of the teenager/ I'm a fan thing. I mean, they did watch the movie, but these girls aren't drooling all over the guys. Hope you continue to read and review!_

**_0forever-nemo0_**_ – Very good idea, thank you! Actually after I read your review, I got an idea with Arthur so we'll see where it goes. Thanks for the feedback. Please continue to read and I'll be happy to hear any ideas!_

**_Maynahchick_**_ – Thanks! Hope you enjoy this!_

**_Raidofire_**_ – I'm glad you like this. I hope this isn't cliché and has a slight twist that you enjoy. I hope you continue to read it! =)_

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~Chapter 1: When the Questions Don't Stop ~

I was staring wide-eyed at the seven men in front of me even as the man named Arthur spoke.

"Lady, are you alright?" Arthur asked and reached a hand to me. Instinctively I took a step backwards and closed my eyes.

"Okay, this must be a really bad dream," I mumbled but everyone caught it.

"Or a really good one," someone said and I didn't need to open my eyes to know it was Lancelot.

"Let me get this straight," I said suddenly though very slowly as though it would help everything sink in. I opened my eyes slowly and wondered if they would disappear. Maybe I was hallucinating. When they didn't go away, I sighed. "You're _Arthur Castus_, leader of the _Sarmatian Knights_ and if I'm correct, which I think I am, that means Dagonet, Bors, Gawain, Galahad, Lancelot and Tristan."

"How do you know our names and yet we do not know yours," Gawain said shocked and I whimpered.

"Oh god, this is really happening," I said to no one in particular and crossed the hall into the kitchen. The knights seemed to think they should follow me like a bunch of lost puppies until I stopped abruptly and turned to face them. I took a deep breath.

"My name is Lena," I told them and they nodded in understanding. "And somehow I think you're very far from home." _Wow, Lena, you're so smart,_ I mentally smacked myself. What an observation.

"We have come to the conclusion that we are nowhere near Hadrian's Wall, yes," Arthur told me and I let out another strangled whimper before grabbing my cell phone and turning away from them. I dialed a number and after two rings, Jay picked up.

"_Hey, what's up cousin?"_

"You need to get your butt home now," I said simply though my tone held much more than that. Jay immediately picked it up.

"_What's wrong? Are you okay?"_

"Oh, I'm fine. I just have Arthur Castus and his knights standing in my kitchen! How well do you think I am!"

"_Who exactly is standing in your kitchen?"_

"Jay! Get your damn butt here now! Then we'll talk!" I was bordering hysteria.

"_Alright, I'll be there soon."_ With a click, he hung up.

I buried my head in my hands. This couldn't be happening. I knew now that the men from my dreams a few weeks ago were the ones standing in my kitchen.

My thoughts were interrupted as Galahad spoke. "We shouldn't be here," he said, though I knew he was speaking to Arthur who I could imagine nodding.

"Yes, we should leave. My Lady, we are sorry for trespassing on your property. We have caused you much stress," Arthur told me and my head snapped up from the seat I had taken at the table.

"Stress...no, no...," I said standing, though I didn't trust myself to walk. I held the table for support. "No, you're not causing me stress. Maybe a little anxiety but I think I can handle it..."

"We really should leave though," Gawain insisted and the knights headed for the door.

"Wait! You can't leave!" I said loudly blocking their path from exiting the kitchen.

"Why not?" Bors asked.

"Because uh..." I fished for something and then I looked through the kitchen window and an idea struck me. "Because in case you haven't looked out the window, you're very far from home," I said and to prove my point I strode to the window and pulled the blinds up. "And I mean extremely, extremely, _extremely_ far from home."

"We're not in Briton?" Galahad asked looking strangely out the window.

I scoffed. "No, you're on the other side of the world! But you wouldn't even know about that!"

"Wait. Are you to say that we are not in our own time?" Dagonet questioned and my eyebrows rose.

"If you want to put it that way Dagonet, yes, you aren't in your own time. It seems to me you have flown through time...into the future." Okay, this was starting to become a weird conversation.

"How far into the future?" Lancelot asked the question that no one really wanted to know.

I gulped and did some quick mathematics in my head. They were from somewhere in the 400's though I couldn't be exactly sure what year so I gave them a rough estimate.

"Umm... a little more than fifteen hundred years..."

The knights stood stalk still looking at each other. Just then a knock on the door announced Jay's arrival and I hurriedly went to answer it, quietly reminding myself to kill Jay for forgetting his keys- again. I really needed to come up with a solution for that. Like maybe tying them around his neck on a bright yellow cord.

I wrenched the door open with more force than necessary and was greeted by Jay's extremely worried face.

"Why are there strange men in your kitchen?" he questioned with a disapproving look before I had even said hello. I rolled my eyes.

"I didn't invite them if you mean that! They just appeared here!"

"People don't just appear Lena!" Jay said quite loudly which caught the attention of the knights.

"I would keep your voice down, Jay. The knights don't take well to yelling," I whispered quietly to which Jay's eyebrows rose to an alarming height. I suddenly got the image of a cartoon character but decided this wasn't the time to laugh.

"_Knights!_ Okay, what have you been drinking?"

"I'm serious Jay! Come, I'll show you."

But I didn't even have to turn around because Jay's jaw had dropped to the floor.

"Lady Lena, is everything alright? We heard shouting," Arthur said, his hand on the hilt of Excalibur.

I turned quickly and shot them all a smile. "Yes, it's fine Arthur. And please, just call me Lena." I turned to Jay to see he had somewhat recovered from the shock but still hadn't moved. "There'll be no need for uh... that..." I said pointing to his sword and with one more look at Jay, he relaxed his hand to his side. I sighed.

"Jay," I said grabbing his hand and dragging him forward beside me. He seemed to be over the shock. "This is Arthur, leader of the Sarmatian Knights and this is Lancelot, Galahad, Gawain, Tristan, Bors and Dagonet. Knights, this is my cousin, Jay."

An exchange of hellos took place and then everyone was ushered to the kitchen again by me. Most sat down except for Gawain and Dagonet who looked warily around the house.

"How did you get here?" Jay asked after a moment. I think he thought it was the only safe thing to ask. I would have to agree.

"We don't remember," Lancelot answered, looking around the house as well. I saw him glancing at the different swords and daggers that Jay and I collected and had placed on our walls as decor (Lexi wasn't very appreciative of this). "Do you use those swords?"

I looked up from my cell phone at Lancelot. The other knights followed his gaze. "Uh...well, we don't really swordfight in these times but Jay and I are well-practised in it. We used to take duelling lesson."

"We'll have to duel you sometime," Galahad smiled as he said this but I saw Jay looking at my phone.

"Who are you planning to call?"

I sighed defeatedly. "Do you remember McCloud, the old historian who lives in Miami? He might be able to help us, but it seems his number's not on my phone. It's probably in the address book."

"You don't mean that loony old man-"

"JAY!"

"I meant to say the historian practised in the Arthurian Legend," he said gritting his teeth. I knew he didn't like McCloud.

"Legend?" Lancelot questioned and Jay and I exchanged glances.

"Yes, after 1500 years not much is known about your time. So to us, it's a legend because we don't really have much information. I'm an historian as well, as is Jay. I've studied the Arthurian times, as we call it, but it's very hard to understand. My friend in Florida dedicated his life to studying your time and I think he may be able to help get you back."

I was leafing through a drawer in the kitchen that had a bunch of papers and I found a map of the United States. I pulled it out and examined the map, tracing a route to Florida with my fingers.

"You actually plan to go and visit him in the States?" Jay asked me leaning over my shoulder. I shrugged him off.

"What's the States?" Galahad asked and I looked up at him. This was going to be interesting.

"Um...The United States of America is a country. We have to go there in order to see my friend," I tried my best to explain to them.

"So what country are we in?" inquired Galahad again. It seemed like he was determined to put this all together.

"Canada, a country that lies to the north of the States," Jay answered for me.

There was a moment of awkward silence that was broken by the sound of a can opening. I hadn't realized that Jay had gone to the fridge and grabbed a Coke. The knights looked at him with interest and I let out an exasperated sigh. I really didn't want to have to explain canned drinks and soda to the knights.

"Lexi should be home soon," I said to Jay and he looked at the timer on the stove. The green numbers read 4:35. Lexi would be home in less than twenty minutes.

"Who is Lexi?" Lancelot asked.

"Our best friend. She lives here," I told them deciding to put a pot of tea on. Yes, tea would do. After all, wasn't that what they drank in Briton or was that only nowadays. Maybe they would prefer wine. We did have a nice collection in the cooler room in the basement. I decided against that almost immediately after realizing I didn't want seven drunken knights in the house.

"You all live together?" Bors inquired and I found myself thinking that they asked too many questions.

"Yeah, but the house actually belongs to Lena," Jay said pointing at me. The kettle started to whistle and I pulled out eight mugs and eight teabags. I decided a simple green tea would suffice.

As I made the tea, I elaborated on what Jay had said partly because I had nothing else to do and partly because I didn't want anyone confused. Besides, it kept the awkward silence at bay.

"This house was my dad's but after he died I inherited it. It was too big for me alone, but I really loved it here. Jay was renting his own apartment so I told him to come and live here with me. When I met Lexi at school and she decided to move out of her parents' house, she came to live with us."

I turned and set down the mugs on the table. Everyone grabbed one- except Jay- and Arthur took a cautious sip before anyone even dared drink. I gave them an inquisitive look after having taken a sip of my own.

"It's tea. It's not going to kill you!"

"Tea?" This came from Dagonet and I was surprised. Then my history senses kicked in.

"Well, tea wasn't brought to the British until many centuries after you guys so that's why you don't know what it is...but it's not strange... It's only leaves that have been stewed...and you can drink them..." Somehow I felt this was as good an explanation I was going to be able to give and then I realized how stupid it sounded.

"Just drink it," I told them.

Just then, I heard Lexi enter through the front and I exchanged glances with Jay who was nonchalantly leaning against the counter. She got to the kitchen before I could get to her and the look on her face was priceless. She pulled my shirt and spun me around giving me a fierce look.

"What is Clive Owen doing here? And Hugh Dancy and Ioan Gruffudd...and half the cast of _King Arthur_!" Lexi questioned in a harsh loud whisper. Then something must have clicked and she gasped again. "Oh my god, Lena! You kidnapped the entire cast of King Arthur!"

My mouth nearly dropped to the floor. "Really?" I asked looking incredulously at my friend. "Of every possible conclusion that you can come up with, you think I managed to _kidnap_ seven fully grow men?"

"Then how do you explain..._them_?"

"Try this- that's Arthur and his knights-"

"No, that's Clive and..." Lexi's voice died on her lips at the glare I sent her way.

"I'm not joking here Lexi!" I said quite loudly. "That is Arthur- and I don't think I need to name his knights for you- and they appeared in my living room this afternoon when I got home from work."

"Imagine the shock," Jay said sarcastically. I shot him a look to be quiet.

"You must be Lexi," Galahad said and my eyebrows arched in annoyance.

"Obviously she is because I just told you her name," I snapped.

Arthur cleared his throat and Galahad answered in a whisper, "Alright, no need to get snappish."

I sighed a very long, drawn out sigh. "What are we going to do with them?"

"Leave them to fend for themselves," Jay replied and every single knight turned to look at him. Tristan looked especially murderous, though I was under the impression that all the knights wanted to chop his head off. Jay realized his mistake and threw his hands in the air. "I was only being sarcastic."

"And that sarcasm is going to get you killed soon," I replied with a smirk. Finally someone...or rather some people...had set Jay straight.

"They're just going to have to stay here for the time being," Lexi reasoned and I nodded.

"It seems like the only option right now," I told them. "But first, if you all are going to stay here, we're going to have to set some ground rules okay."

The knights' attention turned to me and I swallowed hard after seeing the looks on their faces. Most were placid but some- like Tristan's and Galahad's looked a little annoyed if not a tad angry.

"Look the rules are simple," I began, ignoring them. "Lexi, Jay and I all have our own rooms and I think I speak for all of us when I say they are off limits. And I mean that!" I gave Lancelot an extra hard glare because he had a mysterious grin on his face that probably meant he was up to no good. "You can't enter our rooms without our explicit permission understand? Everywhere else is fair game. There are three spare rooms so you'll have two to a room and one room with three." I was making a list on my fingers of the necessities we needed to cover. I did a once over of the knights and then something else struck in my mind. I looked to my cousin and best friend and realized they were thinking the same thing.

"We need to get you all new clothes," Lexi said pointedly and the knights gaped at her.

"What's wrong with what we're wearing?" Bors asked somewhat indignantly.

The three of us looked at each other and then at the knights. I spoke first. "Unless you all want to pretend that your part of a medieval play than you're going to need new clothes. We don't dress like that or carry weapons for that matter."

"Excuse me My Lady – uh Lena – I don't think my men will give up their weapons easily," Arthur responded and I nearly laughed.

"They don't have a choice unless they want to end up in prison," Jay informed them and the knights suddenly murmured amongst themselves. Lexi took the opportunity to lean over towards me.

"How are we going to get them to the store? They can't leave the house looking like that or go to the mall wearing armour. We should put them in Jay's clothes."

Apparently Jay had been listening to Lexi because he suddenly became very defensive and stood straight, glaring at Lexi. "Since when do you have permission to say what becomes of my clothes?"

I put my hand over Lexi's mouth and interrupted them before they could start an argument. "It would be too much hassle," I said agreeing with Jay. "Do you remember Maggie? She owes me a few favours so I'm pretty sure we can sneak them into the basement where no one will see us."

I could see Lexi reasoning with the idea, Jay looking uncomfortable (Maggie had a huge crush on Jay who had a rather large dislike for her), and the knights looking back and forth between the three of us.

"We don't have any other choice. We'll take the Lexus and your car," Lexi said after a moment and I nodded.

"We should go now. I don't think they'll be comfortable with those clothes much longer, especially in all this warm September weather."

"Wait till its winter. These cloaks will come in handy." I turned to the voice who had spoken. Ah, Arthur, the leader, the commander...the insufferable know it all?

Anyway, after I had a random urge to tell him to shut up, I politely turned to him and smiled a cruel smile. "This is Canada. Winter here is something you never imagined."

I saw the knights looking at each other with curiosity and what was that...fear? Nah, they were knights, they weren't afraid of snow and cold. Oh well, they probably would be gone by the time the first snowfall came around anyway. I wasn't going to think too hard on it. I grabbed my car keys and Jay grabbed his and the three of us plus seven knights trooped out of the house into the garage.

This was shaping up to be an interesting day.

**A/N:** What did you think? I'm going to be explaining a little more of how the knights arrived and all in the next chapter. Any ideas or things that you may want to see let me know and I'll see what I can conjure! Thanks again to everyone and please R&R. Hope you enjoyed =)


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